[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.] 

Monica: Alright. Phoebe? 

Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs! 

Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you? 

Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever. 

Rachel: See, there's always one guy.  "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." 

All: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy. 

Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent? 

Joey: Probably kill myself! 

Monica: ..Excuse me? 

Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live! 

Ross: Joey, uh- OM-nipotent. 

Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry.. I had no idea. I thought it was a theoretical question.

Monica: How does she do that? 

Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place. Libraries, airplanes, movie theatres…..

Monica:  When you were little, you slept at the Grand Canyon. 

Ross: Hello. Mom and Dad never took us to the Grand Canyon. Mom and Dad took us to the Grand Canyon?

Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful. 

Phoebe: Oh! What what what! ...Hi. 

Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again. 

Monica: What's going on with you? 

Phoebe: I got no sleep last night! 

Ross: Why? 

Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are! 

Monica: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me tonight. 

Phoebe: Thanks. 

(Chandler and Joey enter.  Joey is counting his steps.) 

Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here. 

Chandler: You got way too much free time. 

Joey: Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you. 

Chandler: Happy birthday, pal! 

Joey: We love you, man.

Ross: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago. 

Joey: So? 

Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date? 

Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty." 

Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth? 

Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember. 

Ross: Ohhh. 

Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth? 

Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone? 

Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, 

Joey: You told your sister that?

Ross: Believe me, I told everyone. Y’know what, I-I’d better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover. 

Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that! 

Chandler:  C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, what do you say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh? 

Ross: What are you doing? 

Chandler:  I have no idea. 

Joey: C'mon, Ross! 

Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big foam finger? 

Joey: You got it.

Chandler: Alright.

(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.) 

Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me! 

Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave－in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed. 

Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine? 

Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why? 

Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally—(opens envelope)—not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that. 

Chandler:  Oh, this is not that bad. 

Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job. 

Ross: You can totally, totally live on this. 

Monica: Yeah, yeah. 

Ross: Oh, by the way, great service tonight. 

All: Oh! Yeah! 

(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)

Guys: Hockey! 

(They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne.  The guys pause to stare at them.) 

Guys: Hockey! Hockey. 

Leslie:  Rachel? 

Rachel: Oh my God! 

(Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne all scream and hug each other). 

Monica: I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom. 

Rachel: What are you guys doing here? 

Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, and it's true! 

Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play. 

Rachel:  God, Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it! 

Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex. 

Rachel: kiki, you look phenomenal. I mean, You’ve lost, like, a ton of weight. And you should…really, really it’s time to stop, you look perfect. 

Rachel:  Any way, so what's going on with you? 

Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? 

Rachel: No. 

(She points to herself and they all scream again.) 

Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news..

 (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again.) 

Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.)

[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other.]

Chandler: …Poulet Passes it up to Leetch! (Passes it to Joey.) 

Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- Here's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.) 

Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes. 

Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry. 

(They walk on.  Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.) 

Joey: I can’t believe. 

Ross: Ah……

Joey: What? 

Ross: Peach pit. 

Chandler: Yes, Bunny? 

Ross:  Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had- 

Joey: -Peaches? 

Ross: Actually, nectarines, but basically... 

Chandler:  Could've been a peach. 

Ross: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the- (looks up, realises, and points) -the bus stop... I'm fine.

Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! (They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff. 

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are talking.]

Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt! 

Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar! 

Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second. 

Rachel: Okay. 

Joanne: When are you coming home? 

Rachel: What? Guys, I'm not. 

Joanne: C'mon, this is us. 

Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job- I even do my own laundry. I mean this is what I’m doing now. 

Kiki: Waitressing? 

Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Arturo lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies. 

Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.] 

Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? 

(She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.) 

Rachel: What's that? 

Monica: Weeeell, it's rum, and- 

Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.) 

Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister... (The phone rings and Monica answers it.) 

Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy! 

Monica: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people. 

Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want. 

Monica:  Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.  Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account. 

Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks! 

Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay. 

Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay? 

Monica: Uh- Rachel has left the building, can you call back? 

Rachel: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!