[Scene: ATM vestibule.]

Jill: Would you like some gum?

Chandler: Um, is it sugarless?

Jill:  Sorry, it's not.

Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.

[Scene: Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.]

Phoebe: New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down)

Ross:  OK, here goes.

Joey: Are you going to do it?

Ross: I'm going to do it.

Joey: Do you want any help?

Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.

Joey: Good luck, man.

Ross: Thanks. (Joey hugs him) OK.

Joey: OK. 

(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.)

Joey: Hey, where are you going?

Monica: Outside.

Joey: You can't go out there.

Monica: Why not?

Joey: Because of... the reason.

Monica: And that would be?

Joey: I, um, can't tell you.

Monica: Joey, what's going on?

Joey: OK, listen, you’ve got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.

Monica: About what?

Joey: He's planning your birthday party.

Monica: Oh my God! I love him!

Joey: You'd better act surprised.

Phoebe: About what?

Monica: My surprise party!

Phoebe: What surprise party?

Monica: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.

Phoebe: Well, he didn't tell me.

Joey: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.

Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.

Monica: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.

Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. 

(Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) 

Joey: What?

Phoebe: Oh… Looks like I was second to last.

Joey: You were, had a crush on me?

Monica: All right. It wasn’t a crush, it.. it was… it was a dent. 

Joey: Big dent?

Monica: All right. Look, you were moving your furniture upstairs. I.. I thought you had nice arms. That’s all. 

Joey: Nice arms, huh? Hey. Mon. I’m moving the chair. Do anything for you?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Ross and Rachel are talking.]

Ross: You know, with all the lights out you can actually see the stars. 

Rachel: Hmmm... It is so nice.

Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.

Rachel: OK.

Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um....

Rachel: Ohhh!!!! 

Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...

Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)

Ross: What? Ow!

[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]

Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: (singing) I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the wonders I've found ever since……….

Commercial Break

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]

Monica: All right, This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.

(Ross flinches in pain.)

Joey: Sorry, that was wax.

Phoebe: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.

Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?

Rachel: During a blackout? She will get trampled!

Ross: (nonchalantly) Yeah?

[Scene: ATM vestibule.]

Chandler: All right, all right. Damage control. Get back to the gum. You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could’ve said 'gum would be nice,' could’ve said 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]

Phoebe: Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?

Rachel: Oh. Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.

Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.

Phoebe:  He seems to hate you. Are you sure?

Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.

Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?

Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.

Rachel: Bob Buttons?

Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.

Phoebe: Oooh! You are a very bad man!

Mr. Heckles: You owe me a cat.

[Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the cat's owner.]

Rachel: Here, kitty-kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...

(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)

Rachel: Hi…

Paolo: (something Italian)Buona sera. 

Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.]

Joey: Hey, Mon. wanna go for a ride in my race car? I’ll bring my arms. 

Monica: That would be nice. Then we can bring my wheelbarrow to carry your teeth!

Ross: Come on. Lucky sixes....

Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.

Monica:  Hi!

Rachel: And Joey....

Monica: Hi!

Rachel: And Ross.

Monica: Hi!

Paolo: (something in Italian)

Rachel:  He doesn't speak much English.

Paolo: (pointing at game) Monopoly! 

Rachel: Look at that!

Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?

Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think.

Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.

Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!

Ross: That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel keeps touching him.

(Phoebe enters.)

Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.

Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.

Phoebe: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.

Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.

Paolo: (something in Italian, he is apparently attracted to Phoebe)

Phoebe: (smiling) You betcha!

[Scene: ATM vestibule.]

Chandler: All right. Okay, What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.

(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)

Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)

Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking. 

(Chandler starts to choke.)

Jill: Are you alright?

(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.)

Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better?

Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was....

Jill: Perfection?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]

Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)

Ross: (mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah….

Joey: That was no tousle.

(Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.)

Ross: Wha-What did he say that was so funny?

Rachel: I have absolutely no idea.

Ross: That's... that's classic.

Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!

Monica: If you want, I'll do it.

(Ross looks at Joey.)

Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachel looks at her) But I won't.

Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.

Phoebe: Did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... (they stare at her)... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK.

Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd….

[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]

Ross: Paolo. Hi.

Paolo: Ross!

(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)

Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.

Paolo: Thing?

Ross: Thing, yes. Thing.

Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?

Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, well, Rachel and I should be together. You know, and if you get in the.... um... 

Paolo: Bed?

Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.

Paolo: Oh!

Ross: Yeah! do you…..er….Se vice?

Paolo: Si.

Ross: So you do know a little English.

Paolo: Poco... a little. 

Ross: Do you know the word crap-weasel?

Paolo: No.

Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crap-weasel!

(They hug.)

[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]

Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.

Chandler: OK.

Jill: Ready? Okay? Now try it. 

(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the head.)

Jill: No, you've got to whip it. 

(He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almost hits him again.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around the table.]

Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... minus 46, minus 47, minus 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)

Ross: Thank you.

Phoebe: Thanks.

Ross: Kinda... spooky without any lights.

Joey: (does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah!

(Everyone starts to imitate him.)

Ross: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...

(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)

Ross: Oh.. oh... oh.

Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.

Closing Credits

[Scene: ATM vestibule, the power has come back on.]

Jill: Well, this has been fun.

Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.

Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.

(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)

Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.

End